Posts by Sail Away

17

Ever try to contact local "inactive publishers"?

by Sail Away in

i'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped jws in their area.

there are many faders in our area.

there is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates.

Sail Away

ruderedhead, I'll give leaving out any reference to JWs a try. I have tried contacting ones who left a long time ago and didn't want them to think I was still an active uber-witness.

Blackfalcon, I never treated people who only showed up for the Memorial and C.O.s visits any differently either. If anything I went out of my way to keep in touch. One elder's wife even got mad at me for giving new convention releases to an inactive JW. She didn't think this woman "deserved" to have them. She didn't think her DF'd son "deserved" to be in paradise either.

I recently FaceBook messaged a faded (walked away) JW I know that simply put up her hand and said, "No thank you!" and closed the door on two elders that showed up to check on her over a decade ago. This was reported to me by her JW DIL. This woman is into tai chi and kayacking now. We have interests in common and used to be friendly. She didn't respond to my message.

Phizzy, I was raised in since nine years old. I only have two adult non-JW friends who have known me for a long time-- one a high school friend and another woman I met in my early twenties. I have a largely disfunctional non-JW family. I miss the sense of a shared history.

Before I left the organization I was contacted by a faded JW that moved out of state. She had gone back, studied again and was looking for info to get in touch with our service overseer. She needed her records in order to get approved for going in the field service again. She was subsequently DF'd for "wickedness". She took over a dozen (I forget the exact number) blood transfusions and refused to write a letter stating that it was in a medical crisis and a moment of weakness and that she wouldn't do it again. She told me she would do it again if it would save her life. Sadly, she still believes it's the truth and still needs Jehovah in her life. Sigh. I will try MeetUp.com. Thanks.

17

Ever try to contact local "inactive publishers"?

by Sail Away in

i'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped jws in their area.

there are many faders in our area.

there is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates.

Sail Away

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped JWs in their area. There are many faders in our area. There is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates. I wonder if any post here on JWN.

I have not as yet been sucessful in reconnecting with any former JWs locally. Two are clearly believers who view themselves as "spiritually weak" and want to "return to Jehovah" some day. Others have ignored brief emails, phone or FackBook messages. I usually keep it simple-- 'Hi, I haven't been to meetings in over three years. Just wanted to see how you are doing.'

Any suggestions or good outcomes?

Sail Away

53

How did your family react when you made it known that you did not want to be a JW anymore?

by Yondaime in

please share your experiences..

Sail Away

When I told my husband who left the organization over 30 years before I did that I wasn’t going to be a JW anymore, he took it rather well. After the initial shock wore off, his main concern was that I was going to have to rethink everything I had ever believed to be true and decide for myself whether or not I still wanted to hold on to that belief. He handed me The God Delusion, by Richard Dawkins.

My (DF’d) son said, “Whoa, I didn’t see that one comin!”

My (DA’d by her actions) daughter seemed to be nonplussed by my announcement.

My uber-JW in-laws have clearly surmised that I have left. They live over 500 miles away. On our last visit over two years ago, my MIL asked if I was still going to meetings. I opened my eyes wide, looked her straight in the face and asked, “Why would you ask such a thing?” and walked away. We won’t be visiting again anytime soon. They have made it abundantly clear that they are "all set, everything is taken care of (hubby is written out of the will) and communication would be nice, but is not necessary."

Last fall I stopped writing to my MIL which I had done as my “duty” as “a good Christian wife” for 35 years. I told my hubby—his mother was his problem. I was tired of her “death threats” (attempts to re-assimilate hubby through thinly veiled threats of death and destruction at The Big A). She hasn’t written to me in a year, and I don’t miss her hate speech.

In addition to being JWs my in-laws are racist. In the last phone conversation with my husband, my FIL was so concerned that my daughter had married an Irishman who will, of course, end up a good-for-nothing drunk that he forgot to ask his name. My MIL wrote a note to my husband requesting the name. We ignored it.

My husband will call his father (his mother won’t speak to him) about once a year to check on them, usually when there is a major weather event in their area. Seven feet of snow in Buffalo qualifies. They are in their late '80s. My FIL will talk for five minutes or less. Clearly, he was snowed in and had nowhere pressing to be, but five minutes was it! He didn't even ask about our daughter who is pregnant with his great-grand child. Neither one has ever initiated a phone call in all these years. I was always the go between for them and their "apostate" son. Not so much anymore.

After five straight months of nearly daily contact from local JWs when I first walked away, all contact stopped abruptly right after their SAD which I didn’t attend. Weird, but I welcome the silence. If we cross paths in town, they are always pleasant-- "We miss you at the meetings." Whatever.

Three close JW “friends” asked why I left. I simply told them it was a matter of conscience and that the elders are fully informed. I told the elders that I wouldn’t be a hypocrite and attend meetings that teach I should shun my son when that wasn’t going to happen and that I couldn’t bear to hear them say my family was going to die at Armageddon one more time. I played the mental health card. My husband is a “known apostate” who they could never get the goods on. They don’t even give him the once-yearly visit. My neighbor reported to me that she watched the last time JWs were in the neighborhood, and they didn’t even bother to go to our door. Yes!

Sail Away

39

What Made You Finally Wake Up?

by Tenacious in

hello to all.

i've been on this site for a couple of weeks now posting here and there but have not had the opportunity to read about many of the regular members and what led up to their leaving the wt.. i understand that some of you (i'm part of this club) may not be able to disclose many details and i can appreciate that.. i'd love to hear what was it that finally made you renounce what is and hopefully soon to be "was" the wt.. i truly look forward to having good discussions.. thank you to all for your kind participation.. .

Sail Away

Thank you to all who shared how painful cognitive dissonance is. It was that way for me. There were so many issues, but it boiled down to this: My husband left, my daughter left and my son was DF’d. I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea that I could be happy living forever in paradise without my family. If I was going to be happy Jehovah would have to wipe out my memory of them. If god did that, just who would that be in paradise—not me, because I am a wife and a mother.

I had an intensive out-patient hospitalization for severe, recurrent clinincal depression and post traumatic stress disorder in January, 2011. I was unable to go out in service. I even told an elder that I couln’t study with a young mother with an infant baby, because I didn’t want her to end up in a marriage in a divided household with an unbelieveing mate just like I was. (Please excuse all the “theocratic language”.) It is just too painful. He said, “At least she would have Jehovah” and walk away. I resigned from the TMS, because I would have panic attacks preparing to give a talk and would blank out (dissociate) on the stage.

In April of that same year, I was sitting at a Service Meeting. They were droning on about the importance of the field ministry, because Armegeddon was sooo close and sooo many people were going to die. That was my tipping point. I thought, ‘If one more person tell me my kids are going to die. . . ‘ I walked out of that meeting and spent six weeks on my couch sorting through all of my doctrinal issues (When I first heard the Overlapping Generation doctrine, I thought, “That’s crap!” Hearing that the feet in Daniel’s dream image meant nothing made me burst out laughing), and I remembered all the injustices and hurt caused from JW doctrine over my 42 years in (I was there for 1975 and remember being told not to go to college, there wasn’t any time, I would not grow up, get married and have children. The dates in the Daniel’s prophesy book just don’t add up, The Revelation Climax dates and their obvious foolishness, the blood doctrie, disfellowshipping and shunning , the change in the definition of porneia, etc.)

I went the summer DC on July 4 th weekend 2011 and realized I was surrounded by the Stepford wives. It was creepy. I told my family I wasn’t going to be a JW anymore. My son said, “Whoa, I didn’t see that one coming!” It took me a while with lots of therapy, but I am now depression free and off all psyciatric medications.

59

At This Point In Time Would You Ever Subject Yourself To A Judicial Committee?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i certainly wouldn't.

and if the elders wanted to have a meeting with me, i would respectfully decline.

if the elders wanted to deal with you, would you talk with them?.

Sail Away

70

Feeling sad over a wasted life in watchtower

by wannaexit in

jw
friends

it's been 12 years since i first read ray franz's books and the scales came off my eyes.

by that time i was in my forties.. since 2002 i went back to school and have worked with 3 very professional organizations.

but my biological clock is ticking away and while my peers are looking forward to retirement, i am only beginning.

Sail Away

“While my peers are looking forward to retirement, I am only beginning.” wannaexit

“I don't actually know who the "real me" is, or who I should be.........” stuckinarut2

Given the choice I would take the blue pill every time. I just wish I knew I had a choice sooner. I was a fully indoctrinated JW for 42 years. I woke up when I was 52 years old. Now my husband is two years away from retirement. I am 56 years old, and it is just not economically feasible for me to get a college degree and start a career at this late date. There are so many things I would like to do, but having no highr education is a huge roadblock.

I feel like there will never be a beginning for me. I’m feeling pretty lost and can fully relate to stuckinarut2. I see a Buddhist psychologist and am working acceptance. Mindfulness practices help. Ultimately, I woke up because there was no way I was going to shun my son. My daughter is having a baby, my first grandchild, a boy. I have what is most important to me—my kids. I am tremendously grateful for that. Hopefully I have a few decades of freedom in front of me.

Sail Away

114

What Assembly were you baptized at...

by vilot in

jw
friends

i was baptized at the 1976 "sacret secret" dc at inglewood ca there must have been 50,000 people there..

Sail Away

I think its very interesting how young in age , so many were dunked , I was about 21 and my new wife was about 19.

Just as a side point , how and why could children so young be allowed to commit themselves to a decision that can mean life or death to them.?

In most civilized countries you cant make decisions about your life until you have reached the age of 18 or 21 .

You cant drive a car , you cant vote , you cant drink alcohol , etc. Yet if your bapized at 13 or 12 or even younger you have the maturity and ability to make a life or death decision as to whether you will have a blood transfusion , whether to accept blood fractions or not , whether you can have an organ transplant or not , and so on . Doesnt this highlight the stupidity of this religion ? JW adults have trouble understanding these beleifs.

Jesus set the example of being baptized at 30 years of age , a man who could make mature decisions that affected his life .So why baptize children?

smiddy

_______________

My husband and I were saying exactly this just yesterday.

I was baptised in Natick, MA, USA in 1976 when I was 16 years old.

My husband was baptised in Jamestown, NY USA in 1965 when he was 14 years old.

14

Interview with an Unbelieving Mate (UBM): Frazzled

by Frazzled UBM in

in honour of jgnat i have completed her template:.

is your wife still an active witness?

no thankfuly - she has only been to the memorail, a convention and the kh once this year and has done none of that for at least 6 months.

Sail Away

Frazzled, thank you for your candid post and for honoring jgnat's contribution to this forum in this way. Crangratulations on the great progress you have made with your wife and your marriage! You are right-- open communication is paramount.

443

Zone Visit: An Announcement That Will "Test Your Faith"

by breakfast of champions in

this is the scuttlebutt in one of the "bethel congregations" by us.. no details as to exactly what this "faith-testing" announcement might be.. anyone else hear any of this pre-zone visit hype?.

.

Sail Away

If the "inactive" are "blood guilty", isn't it a short leap to being "disassociated by their actions" and worthy of shunning. Now that would be a "test of faith", especially for family members.

20

Help

by Horseygirl12 in

jw
friends

im so frustrated i could kill myself right now!!

im 15 and a couple weeks ago i confessed to my parents that i didn't want to be a jehovahs witness anymore and also that i was bisexual.

i had just gotten back from an eating disorder clinic and my parents decided to put me back in school (i was homeschooling before).

Sail Away

(((Horseygirl)))

I have been suicidal. I had two mantras that got me through the darkest hours:

1. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

2. Suicide is not an option.

Please follow the advice that has been given-- see your primary care doctor or a mental health professional and tell them everything. Don't hold anything back. They will be able to give you the help you so desparately need and deserve. Please let us know how you are doing!